4 Tips for Confidence | How to Have More Now

You're standing in the doorway facing a room full of strangers you respect and admire. You want to make a good impression; you want to stand out while being your authentic self. Ever been there? It can feel intimidating. So can that upcoming presentation, interview or sales pitch you need to nail. Maybe just the thought of it makes you nervous. I know for myself every time I speak in front of audiences the stomach butterflies are always waiting for me at the venue like clockwork, ready to kick in!

These are just a few situations in which it's critical to generate more self-confidence. And I say 'generate' specifically because I believe we can all choose to have more self-confidence in our lives at any time. It's a choice, just like picking out a pair of pants in the morning, we can choose to pull on trust and belief. We can feel alive, resourceful, and sure of our ability to deliver with excellence.

So whether your goal is to raise your overall confidence in your everyday life, have the courage to pursue your dreams, or your goal is simply to just ask that cute girl out (for real this time). I want you to know that because of my years of research and lifetime of building my own self-confidence, today I’m excited and able to help you. Here’s the 4 tips I would share with any person looking to grow their confidence in their life, business, or in their relationships.

1. Remember Your Intrinsic Value

Having a strong foundation of self-worth is the cornerstone of being confident. If you don’t think you’re valuable, you’re communicating to the world that you don’t feel like you deserve to be valued. So, the first step of any person who desires to show up authentic, real, and sure of themselves is to have an unshakable belief in their intrinsic worth.

Having intrinsic worth means nothing you say or do will make you more or less valuable as a person. There’s no mistake or achievement, slip up or big success that would change the innate significance you have.

Remind yourself everyday of who you are and all you’ve done to get where you are today. Give yourself credit for every success and good deed you’ve rendered in the past. Remember- you can only ever do what you can, with what you have, with what you know at the time. Intentionally integrating your past wins into your identity will help you value yourself and ultimately raise your self-confidence.

2. Trust Your Ability to Find a Way

Self-confidence is not only based on who you believe you are, but what you think you’re capable of. You cannot be truly confident until you trust yourself to find a way, no matter what.

You may not feel like it right now, but you were born with just as much potential as Tony Robbins, Steve Jobs, Oprah, and Martin Luther King Jr. Each of these people recognized it was not their circumstances that defined their achievement but their ability to take focused, passionate, consistent action. This is true for you as well. Can’t you think of at least one example from your life where you thought there was no way you could figure something out or get through a situation, but then, surprising yourself and everyone around you, you overcame?

This happened to me recently when I went running with a buddy of mine who is unequivocally more fit than I am. His favorite form of exercise is long distance running so I knew I was in for a challenge. However, what I didn’t expect was I finished every jog we went on together over multiple days. Despite doubting my physical capability, I surpassed my own expectations. I believe a large part of my success was having the accountability of overcoming a challenge together.

What you must understand is this: just because you haven’t done it before doesn’t mean you can’t. You have the capability; you’ve just never been stretched or been put under the pressure enough to do it. Everything you need to hit that goal or dream is in you, even if you’ve never faced it before. You have the ability; for whatever reason your life just hasn’t demanded the solution out of you yet. But it’s in you. Every person who ever accomplished anything great has felt the same way, yet they persevered. Now it’s time for you to have the same courage. You’ve got this!

3. Prime Yourself for Authenticity

You know your value, you’re confident in your ability to do new things and figure it out. Now it’s time to express who we are without fear. This goes back to standing in the doorway of a room full of impressive people. In that situation the feeling of shyness and the behavior of playing it small would be normal for most people. The only problem is you have something to say! You have a presentation to deliver, good impressions to make, a message to share. Your business and your income could be depending on it. What do you do?

In this scenario it is CRUCIAL you take command of your thoughts. Here’s what I want you to do: start pumping yourself up with self-talk BEFORE you even get in that room. Try this- in the car on the way to a situation you know could be intimidating ask yourself these questions:

• Who do I need to be in this situation to create the outcome I want?
• What qualities do I want to exemplify during this encounter? Eg. strength, joy, excellence, friendliness

Take those two or three qualities you’ve chosen and speak them over yourself as many times as possible, with all the conviction you can muster. For example, “I am strength, I am joy, I am excellence.” This will create the self-confidence you need to share your authentic self and achieve the results you want.

4. Become Better Everyday

The only way I’ve found to create long term confidence is to use your personal power to prove with your actions that you’re becoming who you desire to be. It’s deciding what qualities of character and achievements you want, then going out there every day to MAKE PROGRESS towards those aspirations.

You see, every time you take an action towards your highest self (the best version of who you aspire to be) you send a message to your brain- “This is who I am”. By using self-mastery you’re proving to yourself who you are. James Clear refers to these little actions in his book Atomic Habits as ‘casting votes’ towards your new identity.

For example, if you want to become a confident, world class keynote speaker you could spend months pumping yourself up with positive self-talk all about how skilled you are at speaking to large crowds. That’s great! But there’s nothing like the self-confidence you gain after hanging up the phone to book your first speaking engagement. That act of follow through on your goal shows your mind you mean business, and subsequently raises your self-confidence considerably.  

The road to a positive, strong, resourceful view of self is a journey worth the effort. Begin this journey today my friend. You have the power to expand your confidence, business and income with a few simple mindset shifts. You have the tools, now go out there and share who you are! Believe in your ability to find a way when there is no way. Keep trusting yourself to deliver even when it’s hard. Best of luck on your journey.

Stay awesome,

-Joey