Discipline 101 - Become who you want to be

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Summary

You want to change.

You've tried to change.

"Monday morning I'll start ______!" Sound familiar?

The truth is its painful to know the kind of person you want to be, and not be able to change your behavior to become that person. Whether you're looking to improve your health, finances, or relationships, the disappointment trying and failing repeatedly to improve yourself is profound.

However, I have some good news for you today! A new way to think about how to change yourself. It's a change in the way you think about changing, and I know it will be helpful:

Behavior change is 90% systems, 10% willpower.

This truth has the power to catapult you into starting or stopping any behavior or habit you desire. See the way most people think about change is "if I could just commit to trying harder, I could change." This strategy is destined to fail because the reality is change is like trying to swim upstream in a river full of rapids - it's very difficult! It feels unnatural and inauthentic. It takes a lot of energy. Trying hard will not sustain us through the distractions, fatigue and ever present pull of homeostasis.

What will help us change is making a plan ahead of time. Change is so hard we need leverage to make it happen. A methodical system is that leverage. Below I'll show you the three steps to building a plan to change. With the proper plan you can make changing easy and fun, with minimal willpower needed.

First - Decide who you want to become. Too often people fail to change because they rush into changing a behavior without thinking about the "why" behind the change. You have to know why it's worth it to put yourself through the change process, otherwise when you're tired, hungry and/or frustrated at the end of a long day you'll just end up going back to the way you've always done things. So what's your why? Are you trying to get healthy so you have energy to play with your grandkids when you're 72? Do you want to cut back on screen time to work on your business so you can create financial independence for your family? Identify your why then lets move on!

Second is you need to pick the behavior you want to start or stop. They key is to narrow it down to ONE habit or behavior at a time. I know you want to improve multiple areas of your life ASAP but that will not happen if you try to change multiple things simultaneously. Note if you're trying to stop a bad behavior or habit, the rule changes. When you're trying to stop doing something you need to replace it with a good habit so you have something specific to do that replaces the thing you want to stop.

Third, align the three P's around your new desired behavior. This is the step where you make changing your behavior the path of least resistance. You want to make the thing you want to do the easiest thing to do. Do this with the three P's...
1. Plan - How can you attached the new behavior to something you're already doing? For example "If I want to check in on my phone in the morning, I have to do it in my running shoes on the front steps." That way you're much more likely to go for a run because you're adding it on to something you already do each day.
2. Place (environment) - How can you make your behavior change the easiest/most convenient path? If you're trying to lose weight, don't buy the unhealthy snacks! Don't have temptation in the house.
3. People - how can you create accountability and camaraderie around your behavior change? What group or club can you join that is packed full of people who are trying to make the same change as you, or have already made it?

With the above system you now have the power to make a plan for your behavior change without relying on willpower. You have every single thing you need to become the person you want to be! Remember, you're doing better than you think and you're worth more than you know.

Talk soon,
Joey

Full Transcript

what's up my good people this is Joey young and today we're talking about how to build discipline from scratch if you're trying really hard right now to change something about yourself a behavior trying to start a habit you're trying to stop a habit this video is for you because I'm actually going to tell you a huge breakthrough in how I approach changing the behaviors that I want to change in my life and the steps to implement that breakthrough okay so let's talk about this if you're in the moment like man Joey I've tried for so long to get this going in my life to change this about myself to start this habit I've always wanted to start to get this thing off the ground like I've been there I understand it's it's tough you know it's a feel like you know who you want to be and not have the tools to be able to change yourself to be that person you want to be and so let's let's dig into that let's Dive Right into that topic that sticky topic and let's get some actual Solutions here so here's the thing here's the first thing to understand and this is very freeing actually Behavior change is actually 90 percent systems and only 10 percent willpower and if you're struggling right now to change this should be a light bulb going off an exciting rocket launch in your head right now because it's actually more about preparation than it is about having willpower and just the raw desire to change in the moment my guess is if you've been trying to change for a while you've done a lot of those like oh Monday morning I'll start doing this or you know tomorrow I'll start I'll stop doing that and what you're doing in that moment is relying on your own ability in the moment to say no I'm not going to do that or yep I'm gonna do that I'm going to be this person in that moment and when you rely on yourself to in the moment to just make this change out of nowhere you're fighting really really hard Upstream against everything in your life that you've done before to be able to to change something about yourself you're actually like pushing up like a a rapid river which is trying to get you to go away you've always gone because that's what your brain is easiest to do is is to just do what you've always done and flow in the same direction it's always flowed so what we can do to actually circumvent that is actually bypass that rapid altogether we're going to plan ahead and we're not going to ever rely on our willpower in the moments to make the change and how do we do that how do we switch from fighting uphill battles to actually walking clear flat paths and the first step is to actually decide why we're doing this in the first place so we're going to step away from what habit we're trying to build um where we want to go in life and you know what what the result is from the behavior change we want and we're just going to look look at the big picture for a second so tell me what is that thing that you want what is that person you want to be like who are they you know why do you want to become that person do you want to lose weight for your family so you can actually have energy to play with your grandkids Do you want to build a business so you can grow your income do you want to be someone who is more personable and more loving so you want to increase your ability to listen like why do you want to change what's the reason behind the behavior change we need to know that because it's really really hard in the moments to continue when it's hard if you don't have a really deep anchor to something very very important to you about why you want to change why it's worth it to put yourself through the struggle and and the discomfort of behavior change so what is that for you what what is the reason you want to change if you're honest with yourself you know why are you looking to change this habit why are you looking to start a habit stop a habit why are you looking to change some part of yourself you know do you want more status in society do you want to have a happier home like what is it once we Define that we can move on to the next step which is actually specifying what that habit is we want to start or what the Habit is that we want to stop you know what is it specifically that we want to change and it's important that it's only one thing at a time and I know that you want to change everything about yourself because I get that I've been there where you're like I just want to do you know this thing and this thing and this thing different tomorrow morning and I'll be a whole different person that's awesome but that is not helpful for actually creating change in your life what's actually useful and will be helpful for you is choosing one thing and saying I'm going to focus on this for the time being just one habit that I want to start just one Behavior I want to change to become more like the person I want to be if you're stopping a habit you can actually um have two things technically because when you're stopping a habit it's actually really important that you replace it with something better for example if you're trying to stop staying up late uh browsing the internet or scrolling through social media and you just want to become someone who goes to bed earlier or it does something more productive with that time then it's really bad to say I'm going to stop browsing the internet past 9 pm because then you'll be sitting on the couch thinking about nothing but how you can't be on the internet and then it's going to be a very tempting environment instead you know when you're stopping a bad behavior replace it with something good have something specific you're going to do in that moment instead of the the one that you want to stop so that you have something to focus on and something to look forward to but only choose one thing if you're trying to make more money if you're trying to improve your relationships if you're trying to improve your health just choose one of those things and one Behavior change in that in that particular category okay so we're we know who we want to be we've got the Habit we want to change here's how we do it we align the three p's with the behavior change we want to change and the first p is the plan so we align the plan then we line the people and then we align the place okay so the plan is how are we going to make this new Behavior change the easiest possible for ourselves this is this is how we are going to attach this Behavior change to something that we already do for example if you want to improve your morning routine by going for a run in the morning how are you going to attach that to something that you already do in the morning so it's very easy to slide into this new Behavior you want to start which is go for a run for example if you get up and you always pick up your phone and throw it scroll through social media and check your email and that's kind of the first thing you do with your day maybe you said to yourself okay I am going to scroll through my phone on my social media on my front porch that'll that'll be my my new habit I'm going to do it on my front porch because if I'm on my front porch I'll need my shoes on and I'll need my clothes for running and I'll need to be all ready to go so when I'm kind of done checking my email I'm standing there in my front porch ready to go and that's how you can attach a new habit to something that you already do instead of just saying I'm going to get up and go for a run and then you're like but wait I do all these other things and this doesn't you know really fit with who I am this is this is the hack this is this is the leverage you can have in starting a new habit so how can you attach your your new habit or stop your old habit by attaching it to something you already do to make it easy for yourself okay people so that was plan people people are super important social accountability is huge when you're trying to behavior change it's about getting someone in your corner who's maybe trying to make the same shift as you are the same behavior change maybe it's hiring a coach maybe it's getting a friend to hold you accountable maybe it's finding someone who has mastered this Behavior change and just getting around them or or asking to you know be a part of of whatever they do that you want to be able to be in the future it's it's getting a social accountability piece so that you feel like you're doing this with someone else or with a community and that's super important when we're trying to change behaviors because you can share your Milestones with people you're like hey I'm a weekend it's going great how are you doing you know hey it's been a month since I've done that and and I'm so excited about it and they're like yeah I'm so excited about it too you're awesome so people how can you connect with someone or a community that will encourage the behavior change and and specifically if you can find a group of people who they're normal is the type of person you want to be where let's say you want to stop scrolling through social media at night like like this group like doesn't even understand why anyone would do that and it's so off the table it's so not normal to do that that you feel a pull to fit in with them and that pull will stop you from doing the behavior you don't want to do staying up late and and scrolling through social media that will be a huge huge help to you and that's joining a new community so plan people let's talk about Place environment is actually huge some psychologists say this is actually more important than anything else is is the environment that you're in when you're trying to change your behavior and so what does this look like well if you're trying to stop late night snacking for example what what do you do well you don't put the snacks out on the countertop even better you don't have the stacks you love in your house you want to create an environment where the easiest thing to do is the behavior you want to do so maybe in your weekly grocery store run this week you don't buy the snacks you don't want to eat instead you buy something that you would enjoy that's healthier that you can snack on late at night so how can you craft your environment to make it the easiest possible if you're trying to go for a run in the morning how can you lay out you know your clothes right there and your running shoes right there things like that like how can you create an environment where it's it's more easy to slip into the Habit than it is to go back to the way that you always were that'll be super helpful for you okay so hopefully this has been helpful in crafting a new habit first of all just just changing the mindset towards it all together you don't need a huge amount of willpower you just need to craft the behavior change beforehand to make it the easiest thing to do and the thing you want to do and we do that by deciding who we are we decide that we do that by only picking one thing to change at a time and we do that by implementing the three PS and hey if you really want to Skyrocket this in the next level and you want to be someone completely different in just a few months time commit to this habit for 90 days just say from the from the beginning I'm not gonna do this for any longer or any shorter than 90 days after 90 days I will reassess how this is going and see if I want to continue with this new habit because a lot of people trip up when it's changing a behavior by thinking oh my gosh if I change this Behavior I'll have to be like this for the rest of my life and can I really live my whole life doing this or not doing that and so they get caught up because they think this is a forever contract some people it's really really helpful to think about it okay this is a 90-day change I'm just going to do it for 90 days and I'm gonna do the heck out of it I'm going to change this Behavior so hard in the next 90 days and be so committed to it but I have the option after the 90 days to do something else and so your your brain isn't like oh my gosh this is a forever thing this is horrible and then resist it it's just something you're trying to change for 90 days and here's the beautiful thing at the end of the 90 days you'll probably be so excited vibrant healthy joyful and and just grateful you made that change you'll probably want to continue to do it but you actually were able to do it by just limiting that time frame so hopefully that helps hopefully this has been a really really uh powerful shift for you and your brain I'm so excited for you to go and change your behavior and hey remember you're doing better than you think and you're worth more than you know I'll see you next time hey if you like this video I know you're gonna love the free weekly super cycle method training Linked In the description below it's a course that I created to help you to finally get control of your to-do list get rid of the overwhelm you feel right now and to finally carve out that space in your week to accomplish that really important goal that you've had for a while whether it's to upgrade your rear start or grow your business or maybe just develop that skill you wanted to develop the weekly super cycle method is a weekly planning course to help you to get all of that done while not increasing the overall hours you work it's a really awesome system I know you'll love it click the link in the description I'll shoot an email over to you with a link to it right now and did I mention it's free it's totally free to you and hey like And subscribe to this video If you enjoyed this that'll that'll help spread the message here to other people on this platform and take a moment to share this video with three of your friends just grab the link to the video and shoot it in a text say hey I really enjoyed this check it out you know nothing better than loving on your friends with some great free content on personal and professional development so take a moment to share this video with three of 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