Self Talk Secrets (More Than Just Hype)

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Summary

Self talk has more uses than "I think I can I think I can I think I can" à la the little engine that could.

When you're speaking to yourself, are you intentional about what you're saying? Is it kind, or judgemental? Is it constructive, or reinforcing shame? Self talk is first and foremost a vehicle for self respect. It's a tool to help us love ourselves better. If you're not currently aware of the words that fly through your brain on a daily basis, there's a good chance you're letting some insults slip into your thinking. Harmful things you would never let one person say to another you could be saying to yourself everyday!

So what do you do? Be intentional. Be aware of what you're saying, especially if your self talk is commenting on who you are. You see it's a short jump from "darn, that didn't go well. I'll be sure to do xyz differently differently next time" to "That was horrible, I suck." The former is constructive speech, the second triggers shame, unhappiness, and stunts desire to try again.

Self talk is powerful in another way - it defines the narrative in our heads. You see there's a difference between what you experience (things people say to you, events that take place on the other side of the world, looking at the report that shows you didn't hit your monthly KPIs) and what that experience means to you. This is one of the most powerful personal growth concepts you can incorporate into your life - you can define what anything means to you.

Even if someone is shouting insults on Twitter at you and you feel so hurt and angry all you want to do is lash out - you don't have to! Instead of interpreting that experience with a negative internal monologue "oh my gosh I hate this person and they are wrong but what if they're right what does that mean about me and my goals??!" You can instead interpret their words as "Wow, they clearly don't know much about me or care about me at all, if they did they'd offer some constructive feedback. Instead they insulted me. That reflects more on their character and social skillset than mine." The difference is profound, and all it takes assigning a different meaning to the same experiences you've always had.

Self talk can also help you manifest the best version of yourself. It's an excellent tool to address the lies you may be telling yourself and replace them with helpful truths that better reflect who you want to be. In my North Star exercise I help my clients uncover the handful of words that define their highest selves, the best version of who they want to show up as everyday. Inevitably lies will start to creep in however. For example, if one of their words is "Bold", the lie "you've never been bold in the past, so there's no evidence you can step out in boldness now, is there? Better save face and not try." will emerge. To combat this we don't want to ignore it or pretend it's not happening! Instead I tell my clients to pick a truth that combats this head on, and to say it multiple times a day to themselves, during their morning routine and anytime they feel the lie coming on.

In this way you too can use self talk to manifest the BEST version of you each and every day.

Remember, you're doing better than you think and you're worth more than you know.

-Joey

Full Transcript

what's up my good people this is Joey young let's talk about self-talk today and how it can help you accomplish your goals and just live an overall higher quality of life we're going to talk about kindness how it can help accelerate you towards the tasks you're trying to accomplish and how it can help you to just be the best version of yourself in a way that I think you'll find interesting not many people think of self-talk in a way where it can help you just be the best version of yourself or manifest positive emotions most people think of self-talk in a way where it gets you all riled up and hyped about accomplishing you know a goal or you know a pole vaulting higher or running longer that sort of thing and we'll talk about that but there's more uses than just that you know when I think about self-talk I first and foremost think about kindness kindness to yourself I mean how many words do you say to yourself a day do you ever think about that it's probably a lot more than you think if you're not consciously thinking about how you're talking to yourself you might be missing out on a lot of opportunity to speak kindly and to reinforce the best parts of yourself you see I think we're all intrinsically born with some level of deserving respect and kindness as human beings and some of the words that you're saying to yourself right now in your head might be words that you would never ever let one human being say to another because they're just so unkind but unfortunately it's so easy to fall into the habit of saying negative things about yourself to yourself it's so easy to make that leap from man that was uh that was a rough situation right there I wouldn't do that do it that way again to oh that was hard I suck at that you see the difference there like one situation you're like man that was that was tough but I won't do it the same way again the second way of saying something to yourself is that sucked therefore I suck you know that's a big difference in meaning but a small leap in our brains because we're not thinking about how we say things to ourselves one is I'm going to learn from this and grow the other is shame fueled talk it's getting down on yourself and telling yourself that you are less than not enough can't do something because of an action you just took a simple mistake something you wouldn't do again right so self-talk is an opportunity to flip the script and tell ourselves things that might be just at the core of our Humanity the respect that we deserve as opposed to telling ourselves things like after making a mistake that oh I'll never be good at that or I'm for ever going to suck at relationships or I'm never going to be able to build that business or get that skill I want right so when I think about self-talk first and foremost it's about respect and if you're struggling with feeling a sense of self-worth check the words you're telling yourself because it you really don't deserve to be so hard on yourself again if if you say things in your brain that you wouldn't tolerate anyone saying to you or you know someone's saying to someone else you would say that's that's mean and that's unnecessary then why would you say it to yourself and that's the first Power of of a positive self-talk it just gives you the respect and dignity that you deserve the second cool thing about self-talk is that it can actually Define the narrative in our brain you know not a lot of people are are aware of the narrative that we create as we think about what's happening in happening around us throughout the day I was going on a run quite a while ago and just around the neighborhood and I remember I was about three quarters of the way through the run and it was not going well I wasn't feeling good that morning my legs were hurting I was tired you know but I was on my run and anyway I I wanted to do it get it done and right before you know I turned the corner to get back to my house I remember thinking this thought yikes this sucks I don't know if I can do this I don't I think I should walk the rest of the way and that thought crossed my brain it sounded really enticing in the moment because I was like you know what it's not too long I've done most of the run I'll just quit while I'm ahead right but then I thought to myself hold on a second how many people like run multiple marathons a years and do triathlons and Iron Mans and and how many people like run double this distance that I ran today multiple days per week like I I can do this you know it just because my my body's telling me it hurts doesn't mean that I cannot accomplish this run that I set out to do which is very within my capability and so just having that thought of like you know what I can do this I actually flipped the entire experience that I was having in my body and because I thought to myself well you know multiple people run probably double this distance every day I thought well I can easily make it to my house then and so my body was like okay sounds good and I ran the rest of the way to my house not only did I complete it but I but I felt better during that run because I remember thinking to myself like oh this is this is probably very very achievable for me I was just thinking about how much it hurt and how much this sucked that I had to you know push to the end instead I chose to think about how I could accomplish this how it's totally within my realm of capability to do this and my body changed the way it felt and I don't exactly know how to describe it but in that moment I just knew I could do it and I did it and I got it done and that's the power of the narrative in our brain that we create based on our experiences you see there's two different things happening there's the input that we're getting from whatever's happening around us people saying stuff to us us experiencing an environments something happening halfway around the world we hear about there's all that stuff all that we have no control over and then there's the meaning we ascribe to it and this is one of the most powerful things I learned in in the realm of personal development those two things are separate just because someone insults your face in your mom and tells you you'll never be good at anything and you should just go crawl in a hole and die doesn't mean you have to chop their head off obviously I'm exaggerating but you know there's there's like moments where you experience making a mistake and you can tell yourself I actually am learning here just because I made a mistake doesn't mean I'm bad at this I'm just bad at this right now you can even have someone tell you to your face I don't like you or I don't think you'll ever be measure up to anything and you can tell yourself in that moment maybe you know in the past you might have said well maybe they're right maybe I'll never be good at this or maybe you can tell yourself okay someone has a perspective that I will not be good at this wow they must be someone really really unhappy or have very little social etiquette because if they actually wanted to help me they would have provided constructive feedback but it sounds like they're making a comment about their life more so than mine because all they could say was harmful things they have no interest in helping me be better and they have no actual tools to give me to help me be better as well all so see that see that flip now now you're telling yourself like huh like weird someone someone did a thing or something happened around the other side of the world or you know someone um you know let me down and what is that what does that mean to you is very different than what maybe you grew up believing that things like that should mean you can change the way right now today you can change the way that you react and and you ascribe meaning to scenarios and conversations and events in your life you can do that at any time so what are you subconsciously ascribing meaning to in your life right now might be worth investigating because when you tell yourself that something is is happening to you and it's horrible and it's bad and you're telling yourself that the world is ending maybe it's not maybe it's just your trained reaction to that event and you ascribing some sort of meaning to that event happening I'll tell you a story I recently had something very disturbing happen um in in the business world it was it was just a a huge setback I remember hearing the news and I was like oh my gosh this is horrible and I literally like when I heard the news just had to stay in there for 30 seconds thinking about all the implications of what was going on in this uh after hearing this this news and I was like man this is gonna be so much work I'll have to have so many conversations this is going to be a lot of figuring out things I don't know anything about like it's just the implications I could have stood there for 30 more minutes just thinking about what would have to happen now and then I remember you know thinking okay Joey you're ascribing a ton of meaning to this situation right now let's ask a better question not you know how is the world falling apart around me because I knew that very clearly instead how is this happening for me I asked myself how is this an opportunity how could this be working for my good in in this scenario and and this is not some you know I know some people might be thinking well that Joey that sounds pretty fake man like you're you know you're it's like uh like if I just think it's okay it's gonna be okay sort of like false positivity it's not that it was it was just saying okay yeah I know this is gonna be rough like this is a huge upset there will be lots of work in the future this will create setbacks for sure but I'm gonna ask myself instead like what what do I actually have as an opportunity that I didn't have before let's just think about that for a second what advantages or leverage do I have now that I didn't before this event happened to me and after thinking about that literally a couple minutes after I heard about this I was coming up with ideas about how to improve the situation and now after that event that could have shook you know me to the core in in the business I we are now a much stronger much healthier we make more money now after all all that events um unraveled and and I responded to it in a very how could this be for me sort of mindset and so I know this can help you as well even even things you think are gigantic setbacks there's always opportunity if you just use self-talk to say to yourself you know what where's the opportunity how is this not happening to me but happening for me how is this situation happening for me that's a great question and a great self-talk tool Okay cool so self-talk is also powerful and this is one of my favorites here self-talk helps you manifest your best self the best version of who you are we talked about how self-talk gives you respect we talked about how it helps you you know become better at work and and manifest you know um good things that you know in your exercise and your job but like how does self-talk help you actually be your highest self and uh you know I'll tell you a story you know like when I started out I used to think that I had certain attributes about me and um one of them was that I wasn't capable of certain things I wasn't actually able to accomplish some of the goals that I have since accomplished and one of the first things that I did to help myself in the beginning make me feel like I could accomplish some of these goals was I wrote down a handful of words that described who my best self was who the best version of myself was how I wanted to show up every day what I wanted to encapsulate any day of the week a Monday a Sunday you know who who is Joey at his best and those are very you know personal words that I that I pulled up and I encourage you to to do this exercise yourself in fact I've now formalized this exercise it's called the North Star exercise it's in my program the professional results coaching program it's one of the first things we do to make sure that we're on the same page as a coach and as the coachee you know what is your goal what who are you looking to be before you even talk about what you want to accomplish we talk about who you want to be anyway I I had these fears or that I couldn't accomplish things so I wrote down and one of the words that I wrote down as the best version of myself was a word that helped me to believe that the best version of myself could accomplish those goals and then I remember feeling a lie come up in my brain and that lie was you know what Joey you've never really done that before you've never been brave you've never been bold you've never had courage really in a real sense like this level before so I don't think you're able to to be this type of person I remember thinking that to myself and remember thinking wow like that is such a powerful life for some reason that lie hit the core of me and after you do the North Star exercise and you figure out what what are the words that describe the highest version of yourself you'll probably instantly like me get hit with a bunch of Lies telling you why exactly you'll never be that person right why it'll it'll never work out to become more like that that highest version of yourself that person who's living in the most Integrity with yourself and so that lie for me was was like you know Joey you've never demonstrated this courage before this boldness this this tenacity so you're never going to be able to do it in the future right and I remember thinking to myself this is dangerous I need to start putting a new layer of Truth over this lie to smother it and I remember thinking to myself I don't have to get anyone's permission to be bold including myself I remember thinking I don't I can be bold without anyone's permission even my own permission and that was such a huge shift in my brain because now I'm like wow I guess I was believing that I needed to have someone's permission or okay to be bold and to serve in the way I want to serve and be the highest self that I want to be but I really don't need that and even days when I don't believe I can be bold I can still be bold I don't need my my brain to tell me that I'm bold today that I'm courageous that I have what it takes I can just go and do that without anyone's permission and that's such a beautiful thought and whatever that word is for you that that you want to become you know whatever that that highest attribute of yourself that you want to manifest every day you can use self-talk to cover those lies that pop up and show up as who you want to show up as every day because you're telling yourself this is who I am I don't need to um you know X Y and Z whatever the LIE is telling me you can you can come up with that so do the North Star exercise if you haven't before um identify those lies and then write a sentence that directly contradicts it and watch how you're so much easier able to develop that best version of yourself and that's the third power of self-talk and it's so cool and I hope this has been helpful for you today really I I've tried to encapsulate so many aspects of self-talk that hopefully will be helpful for you if you like this you know please drop a like and and comment you know your thoughts about self-talk I'd love to hear what you have to say and remember you're doing better than you think and you're worth more than you know hey if you like this this video I know you're gonna love the free weekly super cycle method training Linked In the description below it's a course that I created to help you to finally get control of your to-do list get rid of the overwhelm you feel right now and to finally carve out that space in your week to accomplish that really important goal that you've had for a while whether it's to upgrade your career start or grow your business or maybe just develop that skill you've wanted to develop the weekly super cycle method is a weekly planning course to help you to get all of that done while not increasing the overall hours you work it's a really awesome system I know you'll love it click the link in the description I'll shoot an email over to you with a link to it right now and did I mention it's free it's totally free to you and hey like And subscribe to this video If you enjoyed this that'll that'll help spread the message here to other people on this platform and take a moment to share this video with three of your friends just grab the link to the video and shoot it in a text say hey I really enjoyed this check it out you know nothing better than loving on your friends with some great free content on personal and professional development so take a moment to share this video with three of your friends and hey I really appreciate you thank you so much for your support